Restore Relationship? 9 Tips To Make It Good After Struggle
In this blog you will learn:
• How to fix many quarrels with one simple word.
• What biodiversity arguments often makes worse, while it does not need.
• What you never want, never to say, during a quarrel.
• Why you can make a fight with your friend or husband by communicating less.
• How to solve a fight by giving a man a short time.
You have a conflict or conflict with your friend?
If you’re struggling with your friend or husband, that’s annoying, but just do not have to end the end. At least … if you know how to fix it after an argument.
Finding an argument is probably an art, especially because you often have a lot of emotions at the moment that greatly affect your assessment. This allows you to say or do stupid things.
The quarrel can come from small irritations but also by stress at work, little time for each other, temperate characters, other ideas about the relationship. But it can also be harder than that. There is a difference between disagreement over a toothpaste and an argument because you are strange.
But how many emotions you have, almost everything is recoverable as long as you’re able to count up to ten and tackle it smartly.
And this blog is about how to restore your relationship after (and during) an argument. I will give you five tips on what you absolutely want to do if you want to make it right. Then I give you four more things you absolutely do not want to do because you only make the argument worse.
5 Do’s – To Make It Good After Struggle
1. Give him time and space
Where women prefer to argue, debug and analyze in detail, many men after a fight have needed time for themselves. They often do not talk one to two to three.
Men often only want to talk when they have everything in order. So sometimes she gives time to get to her own. If you force him to pronounce an incident immediately, you only get more resistance and you run the risk of getting out of control.
One of the main reasons that men get distant is because they have to process something first for themselves.
Time to think, or just time to forget about the quarrel.
Talking is sometimes not the same as an option.
Be prepared for a short radio target. Some conflicts in a relationship are getting bigger if you start over it too fast.
2. You can often restore the relationship by apologizing
Debt is of course a stretchable understanding, stories are usually two sides.
Have you been strange Your fault.
Have you been strangled because you have not received attention from your husband or friend for months and did not want to go to bed with you?
Maybe even less your fault ….
If you really want the relationship to be right, then you’ll have to blame you if you’ve actually done something wrong.
An investigation by Michael E. McCullough in 1998 even showed that an excuse not only increases your chance of forgiveness, but even improves the relationship.
In situations where it’s obviously your fault, it’s probably easy to say sorry. But in the gray areas it is already a lot more difficult.
People (yes, men too) have a lot of trouble to say sorry if they are partly guilty of something. So they are inclined to try to apologize with some kind of half-bakers. Then they say something like: I’m sorry I did A, but if you did not B, I’d never …
These kind of half-baked excuses do not help. Sometimes it’s better to just say sorry for what you’ve done. In a fight, your partner is often not interested in attenuating circumstances.
Sometimes it’s better to put your pride aside and just say sorry for what you’ve done wrong. Men often can forgive you a lot, as long as their ego is not at issue.
Is this specifically the task of the woman? No not at all. To the men I coach I give the same advice. But as you read this and not your friend this is my best tip.
Pay attention! Do not be sorry if you do not mean it’s actually angry and / or out of revenge. With mixed signals he can not do anything.
3. An argument with your friend dissolves by talking less.
Let’s not sharpen all the women, but honestly is fair: you can talk quite a bit. A woman uses about 13,000 words a day more than a man.
That waterfall of words can sometimes confuse men. So, when you argue with your friend, you often get misunderstandings. In addition, when you talk a lot, he stops listening and you only get more resistance.
Remember this: the same message, but something more crisp. Then stay what you say during a fight, hang a lot better.
Also, do not forget that some words are hard to take back.
Please note that after a quarrel you will not continue to talk and start over again.
Take the time to cool down so that you do not say anything you regret later.
4. Consider his stupidity if you want to make up the relationship
Men love clear, simple language. Do not turn things around, but say what it’s all about.
Are you mad? Say it then! Are you sad? Say it then. A man has (and uses) his white brain mass a lot less than a woman, so he can not connect as quickly and easily as you do.
Men do not like communication because they like it. They love it because this is the only way they understand you.
How often I do not hear women say things like:
• Yes, but he also understands that …
• If I have to put that out, then he’s very stupid …
• It may not be that he does not understand that …
The truth is that men often do not understand what you mean. Men have been emotionally long not as far as women. Men think about facts, problems and solutions. We therefore need simple and clear instructions what you expect from us.
Perhaps you think I’m putting it out of my mind, but in practice, I see it happening daily: women who are angry with their husband for some reason, but the man does not understand what that’s the reason.
Now you can get angry about it, but it’s once its limitation. If you get angry with a man because he does not feel things, that’s the same as fighting with a handicapped because he can not walk.
Just be clear in what you want, then the odds are most likely to be a quarrel. Whether to prevent one.
5. If he’s angry, but you no more, just keep loving and thoughtful
Have you tried everything, but does your partner seem to be in no hurry?
Perhaps the time is just not ripe … You can blame him for not forgetting something or being quiet and retired, but this will not help you.
If you know what things he likes, use that to show that you’re still giving him. It’s as if you – forgive me when it sounds silent – answers its anger with love.
• Put a cup of coffee for him
• Prepare his favorite meal
• Feet massage
• Make him smile
• Attract the dress he is crazy about
• Do not dress at all
Do not be mad and do not overdo it, but sometimes it can help to be extra thoughtful. Show him that you are doing his best for him. Often this can grow a lot of goodwill.
In addition, you give a clear signal to him. You actually say to him, “You may be angry, but I’ll love you.” With this he has a lot more feeling that he gets the space and time of you to process things.
Because you do not blame him for being angry and angry and because you’re just love him, it’s a lot more difficult for him to stay angry.
Don’ts – These four things never want to do if you’re struggling with your friend
Do you want to make a fight? Then these are four things you absolutely do not want to do. If you do this you will only make it worse in the long run.
So if you do these things, stop it.
Later yesterday than today.
ERROR 1. Rather, try to restore the relationship
Do not step on your toes after an argument.
Of course, it is useful to keep an eye on each other, but doing excessively loving and cautiously can work specially on his nerves.
He once fell for you, with all your plus and disadvantages. Even after an argument, they belong. It’s all in the game.
(Of course, it’s never bad to emphasize those benefits a bit more clearly after an argument. Just … so he will not forget. Just do not overdo it)
When one of you on his toes has to walk after an argument, you soon see that it’s going wrong. The relationship becomes imbalanced and the stress is emphasized to both parties.
ERROR 2. Engage a third party in the quarrel
Are you desperate after a fight?
Do not you have any idea how to fix it?
Will not he even talk to you anymore?
Then it’s absolutely no good idea to turn on friends, family or All you need is Love.
Read again: no good idea. Keep the outside world out there. Leave your friends, your mother or anyone outside. Unless you consciously want to cause a breach of trust with your friend.
How well you can get along with your in-laws, or how close he is to your best friend: Families and friends are always unconsciously on the side of those who know them the longest and will never be able to mediate properly.
A man is almost always betrayed and embarrassed when you hang out the dirty laundry. He wants to do the outside world as if it were cake and egg. Weaken weak or personal problems to the outside world is the worst thing for us men.
Process a battle together. Face-to-face. Even if it takes time and patience.
ERROR 3. “It’s about” calling
I regularly hear a girlfriend say things like:
• Then you are looking forward to it!
• It’s over!
• I never want to see you again!
• If you do, it’s over between us!
… And quite honestly, the moment when women threaten to figure out the point at which the whole discussion ends. I have had several men about it and we all agree.
When a woman calls this, all reason is gone and men do not take you seriously. It’s always a loose threat and it’s a fake and disrespectful thing to do. If it’s right in your relationship then you can also make arguments without threatening it.
You will not be okay with your friend after an argument by putting him to you by means of threats. In fact, you only drive him further.
You can only make a “good” argument if you know that the relationship is good.
If you call any disagreement that you leave with him, or he calls you, there is a chance that this will happen one day too.
Breaking apart is not a self-evident option, so a fight will ultimately have to focus on solving your problems.
ERROR 4. Have an argument with your friend about multiple topics
Perhaps a little obvious, but make a fight right now. It is very attractive to involve all the previous times that he did something similar, but this is not a good plan.
When you deal with old problems with each quarrel, every little annoyance comes into being in a major insurmountable problem. Moreover, men do not see the connections at all between different situations.
Therefore, limit yourself to the topic that is currently playing. Often, individual subjects are much easier to solve.
Tip: My advice would be even (and I know it sounds a bit radical) to put a limitation period on irritations. Is slightly longer than two months ago? Do not worry about it anymore.
This has two advantages. It keeps all future arguments small and you force yourself to address minor irritations before it’s too late. This prevents incidents from becoming a structural problem because you can not afford to bring it up.
The further after a fight with your friend?
Errors arise in every relationship. But not too often.
I regularly hear people say crazy things about this. You have people who say with a steel face that quarrels once belonged. Also, people say something wrong with your relationship if you do not regularly argue.
That is of course clumsy nonsense. If you often argue with your friend, it’s a sign that something is not right in your communication. Errors “do not belong to a relationship”. The most sustainable couples I see have almost never quarreled.
Quarreling is annoying. It can prevent. But if it’s on a monthly basis, it’s time to take a good look at the relationship you have with each other. So do not stumble into the stories of people who blame or glorify arguments.
Often, it means that you either can not communicate well, or that your relationship is unhealthy.
It is time for change.