We’re always hearing that we have a tendency to may be having better sex, a better sexual climax, or a better relationship.
How to deal once sex slows down during a relationship.
All relationships experience a sexual slow down, but simply as a result of you recognize it’s returning doesn’t create it any less nerve-racking once it happens in your relationship.
Fortunately, there are some simple ways that to get your sex life back on the right track and set your relationship up for a life of healthy sexual communication.
What is the cause?
There are a ton of reasons why couples stop having the maximum amount sex. Some are harmless and inevitable, while others may profit from a bit little bit of investigation and a focus. Try to determine the variables that will be moving your relationship.
Here is something to consider:
Sudden, dramatic changes may be a proof that one thing else goes on, while slower and steadier decreases area unit pretty common.
Was anything else happening in your relationship once the decrease started? Were either of you significantly stressed or distracted in your lives outside of your relationship? Any health issues? Family drama? money worries? Our sex lives don’t exist during a vacuum, and are terribly sensitive to dynamics that occur outside of the sleeping room.
Are things typically happy and affectioned between the 2 of you, or is there a lot of tension and discord?
Going from 2 or 3 times every week to at least one or two isn’t that dangerous of a drop-off, but seven times every week to once a week is clearly additional noticeable.
What do you wish for?
Most of us area unit thus anxious concerning being traditional that we have a tendency to we have a tendency toglekt to believe what we really wish. “Am I traditional?” We get all sorts of mixed messages concerning what’s normal and what’s not.
Pretend right currently that you just didn’t have any conception of however typically couples “should” or “shouldn’t” be having sex. Imagine that we live in a world wherever individuals have the maximum amount sex as they desire having, and no one worries about it. If that was the case, would you be writing this email to me? Would you be feeling concerned concerning your relationship? In different words, are you missing having as abundant sex along with your lover, or is your question being driven by a fear that you guys aren’t “normal”?
Think of it this manner too: what will a healthy sex life desire to you? And in what ways that is your current sex life not lining up along with your ideal?
After you’ve answered those queries for yourself, see if you will produce some unjust goals that you just can observe along with your lover. For example, maybe you would like it if your lover bought you underwear additional typically. Or perhaps you would very relish beginning Sunday mornings with naked massage time.
Talk to one another
You knew this was coming, right? Once you’ve got a sense of some of the factors that may be contributing to your sexual slowdown, and have an idea of what you want from your sex life, it’s time to talk to your boyfriend.
This shouldn’t be something to dread though! The healthiest relationships are ones where couples can work together as a team to continually improve their sex life. Sex should be something the two of you talk about regularly, when things are going spectacularly and when it feels like you’re in a rut. The more frequently you talk about sex, the less intimidating it will feel. Plus, talking about sex keeps it in the forefront of your mind, which makes it more likely to happen!
Be gentle but direct, and tell him, “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected from you lately, so I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ve been missing. I have some ideas to share, and I also wanted to see if you’re feeling the same way.” Tell him some of your thoughts, listen to what he has to say, and work with him to brainstorm other possibilities.
Keep it simple. The best thing you can do is create the space for intimacy. Set aside time to be alone together without distractions. For example, make it your ritual that you spend 20 minutes at the end of each day just talking to each other. Turn off the TV, hide your cell phones, and focus on being truly present with each other.
Think about the factors that usually get in the way of the two of you having alone time, and see if there’s anything you can do to minimize those effects. Maybe it’s time to start pushing back when your boss tries to give you a million different assignments. Or perhaps you can stop trying to cook elaborate meals every single night for dinner.
Keep asking yourself this question: “What can I do to make intimacy a priority in my life?” There are an endless number of possibilities. You may want to go to dance classes to feel more comfortable in your own skin. Or perhaps you want to invest in good bedding and lighting for your bedroom. All good sexual options.
Having consistently great sex requires effort. It’s easy for sex to start to feel routine if you do it exactly the same way every single time. Talk to your boyfriend about variations you can make to your sex life. You don’t have to go crazy with the bondage gear or elaborate role-playing fantasies. Even something as straightforward as having sex at a totally different time of day, or being a little additional vocal, can feel like a refreshing modification.
Another factor to contemplate is that the barriers to having sex disappear once you move in along. Instead of having to squeeze during a session within the 10 minutes before your friend gets home, you now have the freedom to possess sex whenever you wish. When sex becomes easier, it can generally feel less attractive. One fun tip I give my purchasers is to often impose some limits on your sex life. For example, forbid yourselves from missionary position for 2 weeks, or have a session where you’re solely allowed to do oral. These limits are artificial, of course, but that doesn’t create them any less fun!
Finally, I would encourage you to prevent puzzling over how typically you guys bang, and consider the quality of the sex you’re having. does one feel connected and present with every other? Do you feel enlivened and excited? Having nice sex a bit less typically goes to be much better for your relationship within the long run than forcing yourselves to possess frequent, lackluster sex.