15 Reasons Why Men Get Distant
Often women get accused of showing unpredictable behavior. One moment, women find a man great and the other moment they are freezing cold.
But fair is fair:
Women are not the only ones who sometimes show behaviors where no rope is attached.
Men can also do that. And sometimes the statement in men is just as mystery as in women. There is sometimes no rope attached.
He takes away what now?
One of the inexplicable behaviors of men is distant. A man can suddenly become distant without understanding how this happens. Sometimes this means that after a number of dates he does not hear anything from himself. Sometimes a man is distant after sex, but sometimes your friend takes away while you have a relationship for a long time.
But if it happens, it’s often a huge puzzle why this happens.
But let’s first look at the two different variants:
• The emotionally distant man: He does not behave like in the beginning of the relationship. He dreams away during your conversations and is often quiet, retired and disinterested.
• The physically distant man: He seems to avoid physical contact. Where you previously could not stay apart, he seems to be doing the opposite. He does not hold your hand anymore if you walk along the street and when you sit together on the couch, he dives into the corner as far as possible.
Both variants occur approximately as often and for various reasons. In most cases it is a bit of both. But there are exceptional reasons that only cause one of two variants.
In men, it works very differently than in women. In this blog I will give you 14 different reasons why men get distant and I’ll give you tips on how to solve this.
This gives you better insight into the behavior of the man with whom you are and finds out what you can do to save your relationship or marriage.
Is cheating a cause of distant behavior?
I just wanted to name it. Because many women are afraid that a man is distant because he is cheating. But this is almost never the case.
On the contrary. From almost all the statements you read from people about affairs, you see the same pattern coming back.
Men are much preferable, more attentive and affectionate in the period they are cheating on. Usually this is mainly due to guilt. Sometimes because they are terrified that you will have something through.
But it is very rare for a man to get rid of strangers, so I would not worry about it when I was you.
Sometimes you may hear reasons that you do not want to hear. The truth is sometimes annoying, but it’s better that you know now, instead of over a year. You do not want to let your life go by because you still cling to false hope.
What are the real reasons why he takes away?
# 1 He remembers that he has to process something
Men and women go in a completely different way with their emotions and problems. When a man has a problem, he will not talk to someone else soon. Men rather talk about facts than about feelings.
Women often handle their problems externally. That means they are talking about others.
They process it as it were by sharing things. Many friendships between women are largely based on the mutual sharing of problems and feelings.
Men not. Biological aptitude and social pressure leave men little room to talk about their problems. Men want to solve their problems in themselves.
He wants to be strong
They want to be the strong man for you, who only discusses his problems if it’s all been solved long and wide.
He does this because he wants to be strong in your eyes and male. He retires and picks over somewhere. You often see in family problems that the woman thinks that her husband can not care or he does not care. In reality, he is constantly looking for solutions. He does this alone in his own head and in another way.
# 2 He is distant because you are different from the beginning
All people on earth are different. There are no two people who want to get exactly the same things from life. There are also no two people who look exactly the same in the other sex.
One loves someone with a slight skin color and the other wants someone who has an exotic touch.
And let’s be honest:
The appearance plays a big part in the choice of partner. Research has even shown us to fall on people who look the same as us.
But that’s one of the stories … where we will come back soon. Because appearance can certainly play a role in the fact that a man is distant.
Why is inner importance important for men
In the longer term, you are much more important to your relationship or marriage than the appearance. You can see the appearance as a bonus. For men it plays a slightly bigger role than for women.
That’s why women sometimes forget that men also want a woman with a nice inner touch.
And that’s where it often goes wrong in the longer term:
The slurry can easily come into any relationship.
Let me explain.
Why do you think a man fell in love with you?
Yes, of course, your appearance played a part. But do you think men really are so superficial that they only took you for your appearance?
No of course not.
They want more than just a nice cup.
What happens in the long run is that you take each other for granted. As a result, you will treat yourself much less well than when you met him. In your mind, “do you have him” of course?
And that’s enough for a man to be distant.
Since you are no longer who you are, why would he still have trouble?
Remember the time you started dating:
What did he like you so much?
There is a chance that you will not show these character properties anymore. You take him for love and he has to take you as you are, tell yourself.
But fair is fair:
If you no longer do your best and show your nice sides, why would he give you what you want?
Give him a reason to find you:
• Show him the humor that he likes
• Was you ambitious in the past, then pick up something you like
• Wear the clothes that he likes
Either way, do what you did initially to get the man you had in the beginning.
This is one of the main reasons why he takes away. But there are more.
# 3 Sex life has become less
Six is very important for men. I do not have to explain that seriously?
Although men may sometimes want to do politically correct, they really want a lady who is a beast a bed.
No man on earth would say ‘no’ to sex if it’s a woman on whom he’s crazy.
At the same time, the reverse is also true:
Men are crazy about a lady where they have pretty good sex with them.
We can even remove the word “disgusting” in the above sentence and it is still true.
It also seems to be that the better your sex life is, the happier you go through life.
The more reason to have sex thus.
How do you get better in bed as a woman?
Men love to hunt. For example, pick him up in the morning that you have a nice surprise for him … take him to his belt and tell him that he is not getting it now.
The result is that he thinks of you all day long.
These little things can keep your sex life alive.
What you want to do next is the following:
Men are biologically programmed to search for variety in their sex life. Men want to try new things.
• Tell him about your fantasies. Men often find it great to perform them
• Ask him what his fantasies are.
• Surprise him with something unexpected. Wake him up by crawling under the sheets or wearing a sexy suit.
And by the way.
These are things you want to do for a good relationship.
Read this blog if you want to learn more about what men want in bed.
# 4 He’s a bit distant, but you made it worse by asking for it
There are certain things you should not do with an emotionally distant man. Some women respond to a distant man by trying desperately to communicate with him. But ironically, this can make it worse.
Sometimes a man has a rothumeur for one reason or another. If you respond by asking what is, or getting distant or cold, as if you want to “backpack” him, it suddenly becomes a problem.
Why angry do not help
Although your sense of justice finds right now to take such activities, it will not make any difference. It may be that he was a bit distant for an inconvenient reason, but because you responded by asking for it, you made it worse.
This way people can get into a “brother-sister relationship” very quickly, without a real reason.
The process looks like this:
1. You have a little rothumeur
2. Woman asks for it and receives an unsatisfactory answer.
3. Woman thinks, if he is so distant, he is looking for it
4. One responds to this attitude by becoming even more distant
5. Woman gets angry and tries to get him back, by getting herself more distant.
6. The circle repeats itself.
Prevent getting into this circle.
You will give him more reason to be even more distant. After all, if you make a war, you both get the confirmation that it’s not good between you.
While there might not be anything else going on.
What is the reason why he is doing a distance, you need to find out about this blog. But that he is doing a distance is a given.
Do not make it worse.
Do not wait until he will solve it, because maybe that day never comes. And since you want him in your life, you must take the first step to seek him closer to you.
Casting oil on the fire makes things worse. Keep your emotions under control and see what you can do to solve it.
# 5 He gets distant because he thinks you’re overcame
This is always a funny topic on birthday parties. Men almost always think that a woman hurts too much. Does this mean you whine? Not at all.
But men see everything like whining. They are hypersensitive to negative communication. I will try to explain how the male brain works. Here are some examples.
• Woman wants to communicate better and map it => Man thinks: sour.
• Woman asks if a man can be a bit more aware => Man thinks: sour.
• Woman wants a man to change something in his behavior => Man thinks: sour.
Men now find out almost everything and they are allergic to it.
NOTE: It does not matter if your criticism is yes or no. It does not matter if you are right or not. He finds all forms of negative communication soured.
Why men can not be “soured”
Men have a brain that is built very much on recognizing problems and solving them. So if you whine, a man wants to solve it. But if you wonder what he can not solve, he feels he’s failing.
For a man, whining feels like you’re constantly jerking him down. It’s hardly good for his ego.
If you do it a lot, then he gets enough of it at a given moment and takes it away to hear less sour.
How you stop “whining”.
• Speak on a friendly tone: men hate it if you get something wrong with a nasty voice. If you ask or say it kindly, it is much better.
• Say “I have a problem with” on the board: work for a solution and think as much as possible
• Count up to 10: sometimes it’s better to say nothing.
# 6 He needs a short break to find out if he wants to be with you.
It may sound like a very big problem when your husband or friend becomes distant.
Fortunately, I can tell you that it can not mean anything at all.
It’s impossible for you to have a relationship that only lived highlights for 50 years. Here and there there will be a low point once. It is a rule rather than an exception that you will achieve a low point.
Is this by definition bad?
No not at all.
People are emotional beings. Also we men. We may not always show our emotions, but we certainly do.
Men also doubt. And so they can be distant.
It may even go so far that they want to go “away” because they have to put it all in a hurry.
Although this is sometimes a difficult period, it is not uncommon for couples.
It turns out that 37% of people living together have occasionally gone apart and searched each other later. The same applies to 23% of the people who are married.
Sometimes you only notice what you have when you miss it.
That’s why it’s good to give a man a time to take care of everything for himself. Of course, there is a chance that he will not be with you anymore, I will not let you go.
But you should not underestimate how much a man loves you, even though he does not always show it.
You hopefully realize that he has ever chosen you for a certain reason anyway?
He may have forgotten this reason. In the time he needs “even time for himself,” he is reminded why he likes you so much.
Do not make it difficult during this period than it is. Do not ask him constantly if he has come to a conclusion.
Let it run as it runs. If you are made for each other, he will choose for you.
# 7 He thinks you’ve developed annoying habits
“Even at 68, people think, ugh, I’m not the person I was at 58, but I’m sure I’ll be this way at 78.” – Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling Upon Happiness
People are fascinating creatures. We want to believe that we are very different from before, BUT, that in the future we will remain the same as we are now.
Year after year we think this.
However, research shows that we are experiencing 70 changes in our personality between our 30th year of life and our 70th.
The Big Five personality dimensions are:
1. Extra version (versus introversion)
2. Mildness (Opposite Bossiness)
3. orderliness (against disorder)
4. Emotional stability (against emotional instability)
5. Autonomous (intellectual autonomy) (versus non-autonomous)
The chance is as good as 100% that you are no longer the person you were 10 years ago. You have definitely changed to at least one of the above parameters.
That means this:
Your partner no longer returns the same ‘you’ as 10 years ago.
Perhaps you’ve developed some less attractive personality strings during that time. That can be a reason why your husband has become emotionally or physically distant.
He no longer lives with the same person.
And then it is no more than logical that he is not even spontaneous with you.
Finding out where he went wrong is hard, especially if you want to do it yourself.
Because we people like to lie to ourselves. We like to make it clear that we are very fun and always to other people. But that is of course impossible.
Nobody is perfect.
How do you solve this?
It’s best to ask your partner what has changed you as a person lately. Do not ask him what he thinks of you, because he will always give a positive answer.
Ask him exactly what irritating personality strings you have developed over the past year. Because you already indicate that you are looking for negative points in your personality, he will be more inclined to be honest with you.
A win-win situation:
You get insight into your personality and he can pronounce any annoyed annoyances.
Be prepared to be “too fair”. Do not be angry when he says things you do not want to hear. Just the things you do not want to hear are the things you should hear.
# 8 He does not like you anymore
How realistic is it to stay together with your whole life?
But the main reason is that we are much less pleased today with a partner we do not like. We no longer have to settle for a lesser partner.
In the past, you had to stay together because it was a “shame”. Nowadays we are doing much less difficult about it.
Is it real to stay together for so long?
The real “love” phase of our people takes about two years. Then it happened with the fun.
You will then stay together by the binding hormone oxytocin.
Do not expect that you will be “in love” forever on your partner. And, conversely, it is also true: do not expect your partner to fall in love with you forever.
It may be that a man makes a distance because he just does not like you anymore. He has been on a pink cloud over the last two years and has now come from there.
Can you win him for you?
There are ways to make a man fall in love with you. But no one can win.
It’s annoying to hear that he no longer likes you after a long relationship or marriage. But that’s sometimes the reality. Use the link above to rescue a man. That’s all you can do now.
# 9 You spend too much time with each other, so he takes away
That a man gets distant does not always have to lie to him.
You can also be a reason why he is as he is.
Men love to be with their true love. They want to do just about everything with you. It’s not like being in men’s genes that they are doing distant.
But men do not feel like always doing everything together. They also want time for their friends.
And they especially want time for themselves.
If they had no time for themselves, they would be crazy about all the thoughts in their minds that they could not cope with.
Therefore, men are often quiet.
Women often say what they think when they want things in a row. Men go in their head to talk to themselves to do that.
Therefore, it can help reconnect with your friends. Here are several things to accomplish:
• By meeting your nice friends, you will bring new energy into the relationship
• Because you meet with your friends, he gets “I-time”
• Because you meet with your friends, he gets the opportunity to miss you.
If you constantly do everything together, there is no moment he can miss you.
And if you have to constantly do the same thing, see if, for example, eating, you’ll be at one point.
Take food as an example.
If fries are your favorite dish, it does not mean you can NEVER eat it.
If you have it every day at any meal, it will be less enjoyable at any given moment.
Only when you have not had it for a while, you will appreciate it again.
The same goes for a distant man or friend.
Give him the opportunity to miss you, so he will appreciate you more. You will notice that he is looking for more approaches.
# 10 He wants to break up
There is a whole science that studies the likelihood of a relationship succeeding.
John Gottman’s research found an interesting fact about healthy relationships:
If the ratio of positive emotions to negative emotions is five to one, then 95% chance of staying together.
However, you must experience 5 times so many “fun things” in your relationship as “annoying things.” These can be events, pronouncements or facial expressions.
There is a chance that your relationship does not have this relationship.
Then the chance is very big that you are not made for each other. And that will also be the reason why he takes away.
He does not want to be with you anymore.
How annoying it is, it’s the truth.
You can not force people to be with you. Even if you’ve been together for years. That’s no reason to stay together anymore.
Every person deserves to be happy. And if he is no longer happy with you, it does not make sense to force that out. You will then give him MORE reason to go away with you.
Does he want to make it?
Then it is often too late to save the mess. There are too many annoyances and negative events that make it impossible to save. You will probably also noticed that your husband has been distant for some time now.
All the time he has the feeling that he has to change something. Often it does not take much longer before he starts over.
If you want to know what time it is, ask him what is going on. If he dares to be honest, he will tell.
Perhaps you just find out that something else is going on.
# 11 He does not want to feel like being under the slice
Women are not the only ones who are influenced by their environment.
Men do this too. But they show it a little less.
One of the things they can not resist are comments that make them feel like they are not the “boss” in the relationship.
Colleagues and friends who testify to him that he is “stuck” makes him doubt his mankind.
Because of these comments, he can get a little distant. Pure to show himself that he does not need you.
He wants to confirm that he is really the male of the relationship. Often this is a stage where a man goes through.
It may also be that it’s just a matter of months, because someone made a comment.
He will then reassign his ego again. After making himself aware that he is the male, you will notice that he is looking for rapprochement.
In the period he is somewhat distant he will also notice what it’s like to miss you, giving him more reason to stay with you.
This statement will not occur often, but it may. He is a little strange, but we are men too sometimes.
# 12 He wants space to do his own thing
Do you know that phase in your relationship that you are totally crazy about each other and want nothing more than spending time together?
That you feel butterflies in every part of your body?
That is the crushing phase you experience as a human being. And this does not take so long. It even takes surprisingly short. You can count on one year.
Then it’s done with fun.
How are most relationships in that year? Great.
You feel good and do not doubt any moment. But at the same time, you also neglect the friendships you currently have.
You do not intend to do this intentionally. You just want to be very close to your husband or friend. And he has exactly the same. But there comes a point that a man comes from this pink cloud and wants to pick up his life again.
Friends he has neglected to look up. They are important to him, and he may feel guilty of giving no time to them.
That’s why a man can make a distance at once. Not so much because he does not like you, but because he wants to do other things too.
Sex with you will undoubtedly be great, but it will not pay the bills or keep its friendships.
He wants to find a balance between you and his friends. As a result, he can spend a great deal of time on his friends to find out that he is giving you too little time.
Already (with your help) he will find a balance between you and them.
Try to give him handles that he can follow to be less distant. Plan for example a ‘date night’ and / or a ‘movie night’ a week.
This forces you to give your attention and prevents you from feeling distant.
# 13 He takes away because he is afraid of commitment
For many men, it’s quite scary to go for a woman all their life.
There are several reasons why a man may have anxiety.
Whether he has that is something you need to focus on. Because distant behavior can be a protection mechanism to save yourself a broken heart.
But there may be several reasons why he behaves.
In the above blog you can read about it.
It is important to find out which of the types of tie anxiety he has. Only then can you estimate how big your chances are to have him in your life.
I will be very honest with you:
Some men are hopeless to have a relationship. There is just too much wrong with them. My advice is therefore also to dump these men. Sometimes you do not even want to know why men get distant, but it’s better to take away yourself.
It will go wrong sooner or later. And you better be the one who puts a point behind it, then “suddenly” be surprised by a man who makes up.
# 14 He wants to date other women
Do you have a man in your life that makes you feel like he’s always looking at other women, despite making him feel like it?
It may be that your husband has an insatiable hunger to other women. I do not really appreciate that opportunity, however.
What is much more real is that he has been in a relationship before he has had enough “enough” women.
As a result, he will always feel that he missed something in his life.
This makes him distant with you because he may already have another lady in mind. Whether this will be a new friend / wife or mistress, I do not know either.
What is certain is that he will go to bed with other women if he gets the chance.
You can do two things:
• Put your head in the sand and pretend nothing is going on
• Give him the opportunity to date other women without sacrificing your relationship
The first one I would not recommend, that’s definitely going wrong.
So option number two remains.
An option to apply this is through a so-called open relationship.
For example, you say that you can both date other people in the next year and go to bed with them to get it out of your system.
Because you both date other people, you will experience several things:
• You will find out what the world has even more to offer
• You will find out how nice / terrible your current partner is
• You can do more sexual experience
All in all it has advantages. Are there any disadvantages? Yes.
There is a chance that your relationship will be on the cliffs. Both you and he can find someone who suits you better.
Is this bad? No. Because you will find someone who suits you better.
This option is difficult for people who are jealous. But everything went at one point. To be jealous should be seen as a sign to work on your self-esteem than a reason not to do it.
Because it has been found that people in an open relationship are just happier and healthier and have a better sex life than ‘normal’ relationships.
# 15 He removes because he has a midlife crisis
When men have a midlife crisis, they can take more distance. They are in a phase of their life in which they have to find out again.
During that period, a man needs time for himself to find out who he is. Just in this period he is extremely uncertain. This uncertainty he does not want to show you and therefore he takes away.
Is this bad?
No not really. But he knows that he may change his behavior and that you will judge it.
Is he suddenly buying a car or is he wearing excessive hip clothes? That’s no problem. But do not forget that a man’s ego is an extremely tender and vulnerable thing. So if you’re joking about it or even saying something about it, this can chase him in the tree.
The best thing you can do is just support him and pretend nothing is going on.
This period passes by itself.
# 16 It’s something different
There can be a lot of reasons why a man is distant. But the 15 that I have just mentioned are the most common.
As you can see, it’s often nothing wrong. Many women interpret distant behavior of men as something, but that is totally unnecessary. A woman often takes away when she is angry with a man or doubts about the relationship. For men, that’s absolutely not the way it should be.
If you do not know why he is distant, I would not worry too much about it.
Usually, it only takes time and solves the problem itself.