Be the change
Exactly – that’s the best advice on just about every area in your life. Be the change you want to see. Also in your relationship.
I’ve been living with my partner for more than ten years, and it’s still fun everyday. Not always of course – but quarreling is hardly ever seen. Of course, we’re kidding (especially when we’re tired). But then do a good conversation or a little night’s rest wonders.
And that’s nice. Your relationship can be a haven of love, peace and stability. From which you can handle the turbulent world.
In this article I share my five best tips. These are things that I believe help them in my relationship, and the most loving relationships in my environment.
1. Love is freedom
The more love, the more freedom. If you are not willing to give each other freedom, you live from fear. Not from love.
Sticking to your partner not only from love. But also because you’re afraid to be alone because you’re jealous because you’re insecure, etc.
Giving each other space allows you to let the other be free to develop. Even if that development sometimes does not quite match what you would like.
It means trusting the other. And that you realize very clearly that you are two individuals who choose to enjoy life together.
Do not worry about the past or the future. Get busy at the moment. I do not know if Billy and I stay together forever. And I do not care either. Because I know we stay together as long as we like it.
That idea gives air and freedom. And a responsibility to keep investing because living together is not self-evident. And if you capture the other one, they will inevitably want to free themselves.
Reduce jealousy and anxiety. Increase your trust and love.
2. Keep your communication clean
Do you have a discussion once and threaten to hit the flame? Make sure you keep your communication clean.
Keep calm and do not elevate your voice.
Avoid pronouncements like “you always do …” and “you never do …”. This throws oil on the fire – and it’s usually simply not true.
Keep it with yourself. Explain how you feel. Dare to set yourself vulnerable. If you explain that you respond so vehemently because you are afraid or uncertain, break the conversation. Then there is room for compassion instead of aggression.
Do not fight if you are tired. Whether one’s mood is strongly influenced by drugs, hormones, stress, alcohol, etc. Simply summarize that it is better to discuss this disagreement later.
Do not try to get you right. Try to listen to the comments, thoughts and feelings of the other. Often it helps to simply be heard.
Do not promise things you can not promise. You’re off the ‘sour’, but you’re not getting rid of it.
You do not have to argue if you can usually talk to each other. Not only does that prevent a lot of sadness and stress. It also solves a lot of problems.
Listen, dare to be vulnerable, be honest.
3. Little things make a big difference
Exactly. Treat your partner as a prince or princess. Not as a household aid, a workhorse or a self-esteem.
Little gestures go a long way. Anticipate the little and big discomfort of your love, and do little things to relieve them.
Put a cup of tea, give a simple massage after a hard day, spontaneously cook something special, say something sweet, just give a hug or kiss, send a sweet message, buy a small gift, give the other the bigger piece of cake, etc.
Listen to each other’s stories. Spread your mess behind your ass. Be a nice person to live with. Be attentive and loving.
It’s not that difficult. Move in the other. Focus on small things you can do to make your partners live a little more fun, lighter and more comfortable.
There you can start today. It does not have to be grand and compelling. It does not have to be fantastic and pinterest-worthy. Just do little sweet things. Not complicated
4. Being equal is worthless
Dare to let go of your ego.
You do not;
- always have to be right,
- always have to report that you have already encountered this problem,
- have to show that you are worth being loved.
Because your partner already loves you. And probably more of you if you live less from your ego and stay closer to yourself.
Always being right seems useful. Until you realize it drives people away from you. Most things do not matter. Life does not have to be perfect. Certainly not if this perfection is at the expense of your love for each other.
5. Keep playing
Have fun together. Try to enjoy life, do not take it seriously.
Your time together is precious. There is a moment when you or your partner is no longer there. So enjoy every day. Do not see your mate for granted. See the other as a miracle, as a precious gift.
Pick up the day together. Life is short. Take the time to enjoy it. Of the little things, the big things. Beautiful walks and a walk through the park.
Enjoy each other. Enjoy life together. Laugh, tickle, hug, plague and make jokes. Most things are not important. Your love for each other is not one of those things.
As long as you have fun together, you probably do not have to worry about it. Not only will the love of your life remain with you in the neighborhood. You also have a great time together.